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NQ-Editor

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Mainstream Media Shocked Sean Hannity Is Trump Ally

THE HAMPTONS—Several members of the mainstream media, in The Hamptons for their weekly meeting, yoga, and massage session, have reported to Newsquips that they are "shocked" about Sean Hannity being a Conservative and being...

Washington Post Under Fire For “Christ-y” Photo of Marathon Winner

WASHINGTON, DC—The venerable Washington Post newspaper is under fire from atheists and agnostics as well as several congressional Democrats for posting a giant "Christ-y" photo on their website. The photo depicts the Boston Marathon winner...

Comey Suggests Trump Has A Hickey

WASHINGTON, DC—In an interview with ABC's George Stephanopoulos, a former close aide to Bill Clinton, fired FBI Director James Comey suggested that upon close observation and "using my skills as an unbiased FBI sleuth,"...

Senator Pushes for Annual Tax-Filing Task To Grow To Three-Month-Long Chore

"Not hard enough yet," says leading Democrat on the panel. WASHINGTON, DC—Reports leaked from the Senate Tax-Filing Subcommittee and acquired by Newsquips indicate that the annual burden of personal tax-filing will expand to a three-month-long...

London To Ban Knives, Scissors, Sticks, Stones, Cars, Planes, Cricket Bats, And Overdone Bangers...

LONDON, ENGLAND—If London's strict gun control hasn't worked to stop all the knife murders -- now numbering more than all the mostly gun-related murders in New York City -- then the City of London's...

Gun Control Kids Demand Repeal of Second Amendment and Parts of First and Third

CALIFORNIA, USA—Students who have boarded the left's "gun control" train have now formally demanded that "Trump" repeal the Second Amendment, as well as "parts of the First and the Third." The children told Newsquips through...

Facebook To Become A Suppository To Recover From Ass-Kicking

MENLO PARK, CALIFORNIA—Facebook will reportedly acquire drug maker Zillius for $196 billion on Tuesday in order to quickly develop Facebook into a capsule that users will consume, after first logging in to their Facebook...

Owners Plead For Their Waiters To Stop Asking Customers If They Can “Grab” Something

CLEVELAND, OHIO—Citing a record 85,000 comment cards being submitted to restaurants from around North America, restaurant and cafe owners have finally begun asking their wait staff to stop asking customers, "Can I grab you...

Facebook Data Scandal: Will Hold Meeting. “That’ll Fix It”

MENLO PARK, CALIFORNIA—Facebook is apparently prepared to pull out all the stops to fend off criticism growing in "social media" this week over one of the largest privacy-related breaches involving "social media" in years. Facebook...

Investor Website Suggests Investor Danger Ahead Since Economics Point Upward

NEW YORK, NEW YORK—Investment website Investopedia.com has warned visitors that they should be wary of the stock market on the basis of the fact that there have been market gains and the global economies...

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