Owners Plead For Their Waiters To Stop Asking Customers If They Can “Grab” Something

CLEVELAND, OHIO—Citing a record 85,000 comment cards being submitted to restaurants from around North America, restaurant and cafe owners have finally begun asking their...

Investor Website Suggests Investor Danger Ahead Since Economics Point Upward

NEW YORK, NEW YORK—Investment website Investopedia.com has warned visitors that they should be wary of the stock market on the basis of the fact...

Facebook Data Scandal: Will Hold Meeting. “That’ll Fix It”

MENLO PARK, CALIFORNIA—Facebook is apparently prepared to pull out all the stops to fend off criticism growing in "social media" this week over one...

Facebook To Become A Suppository To Recover From Ass-Kicking

MENLO PARK, CALIFORNIA—Facebook will reportedly acquire drug maker Zillius for $196 billion on Tuesday in order to quickly develop Facebook into a capsule that...

Senator Pushes for Annual Tax-Filing Task To Grow To Three-Month-Long Chore

"Not hard enough yet," says leading Democrat on the panel. WASHINGTON, DC—Reports leaked from the Senate Tax-Filing Subcommittee and acquired by Newsquips indicate that the...

Washington Post Under Fire For “Christ-y” Photo of Marathon Winner

WASHINGTON, DC—The venerable Washington Post newspaper is under fire from atheists and agnostics as well as several congressional Democrats for posting a giant "Christ-y"...

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