WASHINGTON, DC—The venerable Washington Post newspaper is under fire from atheists and agnostics as well as several congressional Democrats for posting a giant “Christ-y” photo on their website.
The photo depicts the Boston Marathon winner as she crossed the finish line with arms outstretched.
“They coulda waited until she like put her arms down, so non-Christians wouldn’t feel unsafe,” said Boston Democrat Sarah Christianson. “Boston is a progressive city,” she added, “so Christ-y photos is not tolerable or like inclusive and you know like intersectionally empowering.”
The photographer responsible for the photo is said to be in hiding “somewhere in the Boston area,” according to our sources.
Post reader Josephine Marylass told Newsquips, “She looks like a little lady Jesus on the crucifix! That ain’t right for like the Muslims and Hindus.” Marylass added, “but maybe Jesus was a chick or I mean like a dude who identifies as a woman so yeah like maybe it’s OK if it learns people equality.”
In another news outlet post — this one a radio station based in western Canada — a Marathon finalist is shown in an apparent “praise Jesus” pose that has Canadians outraged. “At least he’s a minority but praising Jesus is not inclusive and it may be hurtful to, say, Buddhists and like Africans,” said a liberal Member of Parliament from Vancouver. “Praising Jesus is not on,” she continued.
Several schools in the U.S. and Canada have announced via Twitter and Facebook that they will boycott Boston, the Washington Post, Christians, and all churches until the Post remove the photo from their story and promises “To be more inclusive in the future and like next year.”
Several teen student leaders have also advised Newsquips that they will publish the names of all businesses in Boston in the hopes that “they will be fired or like whatever.”
“After the Tsarnaev brothers tried to blow up the marathon we should have learnt a lesson about radical Christians and stuff,” one student leader told Newsquips.